5 Tips To Help You When You're Angry

You feel like screaming. Your heart is pounding. Curse words are racing through your head. You are really, really angry.

1. Stop what you are doing. If operating any type of machinery, carefully bring it to a stop. Tell yourself, "I'm going to be okay" over and over, while slowly breathing, until you feel more calm and centered.

2. Write it down. If anger is an ongoing issue for you, keep paper and pens handy. Write down exactly what happened (a kid in a white Toyota cut me off and scared the heck outta me, etc.). Then, write down what you did. (I let her go by. Cussed at her in my head. Fighting for my spot in traffic wasn't worth getting killed over.)

3. Say "ouch". Literally. It throws people off. "Ouch?" "Whaddya mean by that?" By saying this it puts the responsibility of the hurtful act on the other person, not you. But, you are taking care of yourself by admitting it hurt, you are angry, etc., just by saying "ouch". That is it. Then, if the offending party wants to talk about it, you can. But, just start with "ouch" and leave it at that. It usually works like a charm!

4. Walk away. You've probably heard this many times. Maybe because it works. Just walk away. If you are in a close or committed relationship, let your friend or partner know that this is what you will do in the future to take care of yourself (not to hurt them---this is about you). And tell them that when you are both calm, not blaming or finger pointing, and when you both feel safe enough, you can 'talk it out'.

5. Own it. No one can make us feel any way. No one is responsible for our anger. Their behaviors can be hurtful, provoking, etc. However, because of who we are and how we process the information, we decide, in milliseconds, whether we will be angry or not. It takes time to recognize this. But, you do have the control.

For more information, if you need assistance on these or other matters, please visit my website at www.breacounseling.com or call me for an appointment at (909) 260-2736.

In the meantime, take care.

Brenda